Shows Blog: Country Fried Home Videos

Brett McVicker is a writer for Country Fried Home Videos and Country Fried Planet.

I open a lot of Bill [Engvall]'s mail. Don't tell him that. But every once in a while I get the opportunity to really make a difference in some fan's life. Like this 8th grade boy from Alabama. Check out this letter he wrote: ______________________________________
Elberta Middle School
Jonathan XXXXX
13355 Main Street Elberta, AL 36530

March 10, 2008

Country Fried Offices
Above the Diner
U.S.A.

Dear Mr. Engvall:

Hello, my name is Jonathan XXXXX, and I am in the 8th grade at Elberta Middle School. In my English class we are learning how to write business letters. My teacher has asked us to pick our favorite television personality to write a business letter to. I chose you because I love watching your show "Country Fried Home Videos." I'm glad that you have this show because you're funny, and it's funny when people crash and stuff.

Right now I am 14 years old and I have a horse. She is 2 years old, and she is now old enough to be trained to ride. I like going mud riding and going redneck snow boarding with a lawn mower. So I'm a big redneck and cowboy.

I was wondering if I could have a couple of souvenirs for my redneck brothers and me. They also really like your show because it is awesome. Please and thank you. We would like something cowboyish and redneckish. Thank you.

Your #1 Fan,

Jonathan XXXXX
8th grade student
Elberta Middle School
________________________________________

Okay, Jonathan. I'm a big shot professional writer. So I know about these kinds of things. Your spelling and grammar were fine. But that ain't how you write a business letter at all. Here, I'll show you:

 Now THAT'S how you write a business letter.

 Brett McVicker is a writer for Country Fried Home Videos and Country Fried Planet.

A lot of the guys who work on the show also work as stand-up comedians. One of our writers, Gary Brightwell, recently did a stand up tour of some Naval bases with a group called Comics on Duty. He went to El Salvador, Honduras, the Bahamas and Guantanamo Bay.

Not only do some of these guys serve under some rough conditions, but when they finally get time to rest, there isn't much to do. Some of these bases are in pretty remote locations. So on their time off, they end up playing cards, joking around with each other, and watching plenty of TV. And not just any TV ... they watch Country Fried Home Videos. That's right. Our show.

We all got a real kick from hearing that the boys watching the Armed Forces Network can see the show. And the guys in Soto Cano base in Honduras even have a favorite video. It's "Scott Curry and his Fish n' Tips." So here you go, guys. This one's for you:

Brett McVicker is a writer for Country Fried Home Videos and Country Fried Planet.

Last season on Country Fried Home Videos, we got a video from a female boxer named Holly Holm. She holds a bunch of titles, and she's about as intimidating as any woman I've ever seen. I ain't afraid to admit it: if she took a swing at me I'd duck, cover, and cry like a little girl. So we got to discussing what percentage of American males she could beat up. Thirty? Fifty? Seventy-five? Listen, this girl is carved out of wood. She sure looks like she packs a mean punch. Here's the video from our show to show you what I mean:

Well, one of our writers, Calvert, wasn't as impressed as the rest of us. He thought he could last three rounds with her, no problem. We say bull. Let's do a quick tale of the tape:  

I'd like to hear some comments on this. How long would Calvert last? One Round? Ten? Should we have a doctor on hand to watch the fight? And how many guys out there think they could take Holly?
 

Brett McVicker is a writer for Country Fried Home Videos and Country Fried Planet.

A lot of people ask me how a video gets to be a Here's Your Sign winner. You might think that we watch all the videos people send us, pick the best ones, put them into a show, and pick our favorite one to win the sign. Maybe you even think that we write all the videos down on little color coded note cards, put them up on a cork board, and have enthusiastic discussions with Bill Engvall about which one is the best and why. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Actually, we use a form. Here at the Country Fried Offices, we love bureaucracy. So I thought I'd share our super secret document with you:

Does anyone in the video have a mullet?
Yes ____
No ____

How many people in the video are holding a beer?
A few.
A bunch.
Including Grandma and the baby?
Everyone.

How much of the equipment used in the videos is home rigged?
Some.
Most.
I stole it from my neighbor. Does that count?

Also indicate if any duct tape is visible on said equipment. _______

What level of pain does the person featured in the video experience?
A little scrape.
Bumps and bruises.
Annoying screams.
Yep, that's definitely broken.

Does anyone yell, "Watch this!" before attempting something unwise?
Yes.
No.
He's slurring his words, but that could be it.

How may farm animals, dangerous critters or other animals (e.g. bulls and mud-covered hunting dogs) are involved in the video?
A mess.
A heap.
A buttload.
I can't count that high.

How many teeth are people missing at the beginning of the video?
None you can see.
A few of 'em.
Most of 'em.

At the end of the video?
The same as at the beginning.
More than at the beginning.

Please estimate the total amount of property damage done: ___________

Then we tally up the total and make the decision. Simple as that.